Friday, May 4, 2012

On Reflection

So I'm missing my only niece's wedding but in redefining my role, I'm not as upset about it anymore. What do I mean?

A Wedding is only the first step into married life and if you do it right and you are fortunate, it will be the only marriage you have. To that end, I will share the things I have learnt over the passed ten years because I know she will guidance on occasion.

What was the defining moment for you, just before your wedding? What was the ritual or the tradition you started or felt you needed to do to begin your married life?

For me, it was purchasing items for my new home. I felt the need have my own possessions to start my new life and outfit my home only to find, years later, that the ones that have come to mean the most to me are the items that were given. My mother has always collected things, from antique furniture and lamps to every kind of old style dish and cup ~ the kind of stuff you just don't find today anymore. She gave me many things that I treasure today and keep safely tucked away in my china cabinet. They remind me of her and of my childhood, when and how she used to use them. She has given copious amounts of things to us kids ~ to my younger sister when she got married and now, to her grandbaby. Its vitality important that we cherish these items and not take them for granted because when the people who gave them to us pass from this life and leave us to struggle on, its these same items that will serve as remembrances and a legacy to hand down to our own children. 

I have a few things that belonged to my Dad, he passed away over a year ago now and every time I use them or look at them I remember how he used to use them. You don't forget so easily if you are surrounded by these objects and I'm grateful for all the things my mother has given me. I would not part with a single item. They are  too important to me and are a big part of my married life. Isn't it funny, the importance we attach to things we think we need like new dish towels and the perfect set of drapes when its the things you are given, together with your changing attitudes and behaviors that will count for the most. Even after ten years married, I still marvel at how much my attitude and moods affect my husband and the sheer power I have over him and he has over me. Its been a constant reminder to be more careful and to treat the people we love ever more gently.


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