Tomorrow Is Soon Enough

May 12, 2012 ---

Alicia and Tim

My niece is married today. A brand new part of her life has just opened up and it will be very different from living single and being the only one responsible for working to make it on her own. She has married in time, in her early 20's and has time for children, time to build a family of her very own and to meet the challenges marriage brings. There are more pros than cons, she is no longer alone on life's road, she has a life partner who will support and help her, she has someone to share with and confide in... and he has the same in her. 

Both work; she's a nurse and he is in banking so they have established, excellent careers that will see them through financial difficulties. They are hugely fortunate that way ~ if only we all had that advantage. 

She grew up in the church and has traveled a good deal on missions to Africa, Australia, China and the Congo just to name a few. He has also gone on mission trips. Now that they have that 'wandering and seeing the world' satisfied, they can settle into married life more comfortably. 

It does bring to mind all the things that I could have/should have done, long before I was married; its a reminder that hindsight has no advantage in the present because it only provides a viewpoint from what has already transpired and cannot be changed. But it does offer up one benefit, perhaps the only one if we are willing to learn from our past and ask yourselves what can we do right now; what can I do differently at the moment, in our present circumstances and situations that will lead to the outcome we want or need; perhaps deserve, to have happen. If we are able to learn prudence, sacrifice and economy we may yet have a chance. 

Catspaw

On Reflection

So I'm missing my only niece's wedding but in redefining my role, I'm not as upset about it anymore. What do I mean?


A Wedding is only the first step into married life and if you do it right and you are fortunate, it will be the only marriage you have. To that end, I will share the things I have learnt over the passed ten years because I know she will guidance on occasion.


What was the defining moment for you, just before your wedding? What was the ritual or the tradition you started or felt you needed to do to begin your married life?


For me, it was purchasing items for my new home. I felt the need have my own possessions to start my new life and outfit my home only to find, years later, that the ones that have come to mean the most to me are the items that were given. My mother has always collected things, from antique furniture and lamps to every kind of old style dish and cup ~ the kind of stuff you just don't find today anymore. She gave me many things that I treasure today and keep safely tucked away in my china cabinet. They remind me of her and of my childhood, when and how she used to use them. She has given copious amounts of things to us kids ~ to my younger sister when she got married and now, to her grandbaby. Its vitality important that we cherish these items and not take them for granted because when the people who gave them to us pass from this life and leave us to struggle on, its these same items that will serve as remembrances and a legacy to hand down to our own children. 


I have a few things that belonged to my Dad, he passed away over a year ago now and every time I use them or look at them I remember how he used to use them. You don't forget so easily if you are surrounded by these objects and I'm grateful for all the things my mother has given me. I would not part with a single item. They are  too important to me and are a big part of my married life. Isn't it funny, the importance we attach to things we think we need like new dish towels and the perfect set of drapes when its the things you are given, together with your changing attitudes and behaviors that will count for the most. Even after ten years married, I still marvel at how much my attitude and moods affect my husband and the sheer power I have over him and he has over me. Its been a constant reminder to be more careful and to treat the people we love ever more gently.


Catspaw

Marriage and Sacrifice ~ Choices To Make

As you know my husband and I live on Prince Edward Island in Canada. All of my family is in Kelowna, BC making it impossible to visit without having both money and time availability. 

My niece is getting married on May 12th! 

My hubby has a way that I could go but he'd have to stay behind...

Flying clear across a country isn't cheap at the best of times, even with his overtime pay. Its finally May ~ I never thought I'd be so happy to see the backend of April! ~ and its time to start prepping for the field work on the farm so things are about to finally get busy, that's the other reason for his staying behind.

I could go ~ I haven't seen my family in about two years now ~ I could have a great time getting off this island, away from the winter's hardships, enjoy myself at my only niece's wedding... but, I'd be leaving behind a man who deserves a vacation more than I do. He's a very dedicated, married man and a very hard worker and provider. I decided against attending the wedding. His overtime can be better spent catching up on our credit cards and a bill or too. Besides, I just applied for a job and will be hearing about it next week. So I have to be available, and here. Its an island and unless you have 'people' here and are not from 'away', you don't have much chance of finding work during the winter and you have to apply in early spring to get anything at all.

A Wedding Day is a very BIG DEAL! One of the biggest in your life but there is something even bigger.

Your Wedding Day takes one day in your life; your marriage takes the rest of it.

Marriage and self-sacrifice go hand in hand. I think he was just a little upset that I decided not to go especially after he found a way to arrange it so I could. Men are problem solvers after all and he's a very creative one. He understands my reasoning though. Yet another aspect of marriage - sacrifice, when needed and not when needed. Its a choice. 

Catspaw

Is This What It Takes???

How many people are still finding themselves alone and reaching their mid years? Its a very lonely road to walk by yourself. Always being the one to depend on and always being responsible for everything; its not an easy road to take despite what passes for what we call 'freedom' today. This freedom has a limited shelf life and it comes with high consequences if ignored or left for too long. The repercussions for marrying too late in life come in the form of childless marriages because you literally missed your chance or losing a partner too early and there are the financial considerations that being too close to retirement can bring or having too much debt to manage. My father once told me that the greatest risk to a marriage was money problems; its certainly up there with the top 5. Despite them, marriages in such circumstances can work and likely work better than most because both spouses fully realize what they have found and are grateful for this singular chance that they finally have.

You're right! This isn't you. They are models in an advertising campaign

We have a friend in exactly that position; yet another who doesn't show the slightest interest in settling down. So much depends on the choices we make or don't make, as the case may be. Hindsight is an unfortunate consequence of life that we just don't learn in time to see the value of finding a life companion sooner. Some are lucky enough to find someone early on but, for the most of us it can be a long journey fraught with all manner of confusion; sometimes difficulty and heartbreak. Then there are those who almost miss their chance altogether and don't find that sidekick until its close to being too late.

They are models too, just more believable ones

Now consider the other side of the coin. The flash relationships that happen at the speed of light these days, the bar scenes and the online dating; lets not forget the escort and phone services out there. Just who is on the other side of that phone line you are talking to? And  who is responsible for the concept of speed dating?  How in the world are you supposed to even get to know someone using any of these methods??  It is to be asked: How serious are we taking this?

My Hubby, Merrill

Well, I can vouch for one. I met my husband through an Christian online dating service and after months of exchanging emails with a lot of toads then deciding to answer the very last email I received before I threw in the towel ~ forever; I met my husband to be. What are the odds?!  

Does it work?  Depends. On you, on the service you chose, on the quality of people that joined the site... 

Is it worth the try?  Depends. You have to be dedicated to finding someone and willing to talk to toads to find a possible prince. 

In my case, I found a prince who became my knight within a few months and when I was at the end of my proverbial rope. You have to 'hang in there' as the old cliche goes and be willing to go the distance to find someone.

Like I did.


Catspaw

Theme For Coming Week

Going by the calendar week the new week actually starts every Sunday! So, I will have to post the new theme every Saturday. Note that the theme will include excerpts from my Sailor story for those of you who are following it. Ideally, there should be three posts today: Sailor is posted, this one on the theme and the first part of the theme itself. 

The theme I've chosen for this first week is Anniversary; seeing as I just celebrated my 10th to a very loving and understanding husband. 

Stay tuned for what's coming up.

Catspaw